


Time Heals All

by GayChaton



Series: Emails to Lie In [7]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Post-High School, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-12-03 07:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11527620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayChaton/pseuds/GayChaton
Summary: Senior year goes by all too fast, and the boys move on. It's somewhat hard for them when they spent a full year learning that with a functional network of help, they don't need to be alone. Still, everyone says that moving past high school is a time to move on and take the next step alone.... actually, fuck that noise, why would they want to separate the best relationship of their lives?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've never had a prom bc i went to a smaller school but i had class-required formal dance lessons and the afterparties of those are basically how i imagine prom is so have this

Jared shifted his weight to the side, letting his suit's shoulder fabric rub audibly against the arm fabric of Connor's. This night had been a long time coming, and with a lot of struggle in between. Senior fucking prom.

"Do you think they'll let us in?" Evan asked under his breath.

Jared glanced at the front of the line. People were giving their tickets and entering the school gymnasium/cafeteria at an annoyingly slow pace.

"I'll give them a black eye if they don't," Connor retorted.

"Connor," Evan whined.

" _Relax,_ dumbasses," Jared interjected. "We bought tickets, they're letting gay couples in anyway. They're really only turning away the idiots who're wearing strings for clothes."

Connor's arm grabbed at Jared's side and pulled him in close. "We're the best dumbasses you ever fuckin' seen."

"A-and this is our night, right?" Evan smiled. "After everything this year, we're having fun and we won't let anything stop us."

"Same for every senior," Jared muttered just low enough for nobody to hear.

The line moved forward.

Jared handed their stack of tickets to the chaperone-teacher at the table. She set them under the table in a box and only spared half a glance at their outfits before waving them in. Jared turned as he walked in front of them, grinned, and opened the door.

-

_"You're running for Prom Queen," Evan mumbled as he read the sheet of paper he'd just been handed. Connor's head poked over his shoulder to glance at the paper._

_Jared chuckled. "Alana, you do know your approval ratings aren't through the roof, right?"_

_"I have plenty of acquaintances all over school, so I decided that I would give it a try," Alana said with an unaffected face._

_Jared snorted, shaking his head. "Oh my god," he laughed._

_Alana was vaguely disliked by anyone who wasn't entirely by-the-books in the school, mostly because she had a reputation of being loud, controlling, and the biggest accidental snitch anyone'd ever heard of. She was the stuff of legends in terms of ratting people out without intending to. The kind of dumbass snitch you only see in movies because those sort of misunderstandings don't ever happen if people talk it out, but Alana made it work._

_Evan looked up at her with a smile. "We'll definitely vote for you," he promised._

_Jared shared a glance with Connor, but neither made a move to contradict Evan._  

_"Awesome, I was really hoping you'd say that, because this is something I'm really looking forward to," Alana said, smiling as she walked away._

_"I wasn't going to vote at all," Connor said once she was gone._

_Evan sighed and returned to his textbook on the table. "She's a better person than anyone else who's running."_

_Jared let out a low chuckle. It was always fun to hear Evan loosen up and trash talk._

_Evan didn't even look his way to scold him. "And besides, she's our friend?"_

_Neither Connor nor Jared made any move to contradict that either._

-

Inside wasn't blaring music and lights like Jared had half expected. Instead it was decorated in a somewhat cheesy somewhat endearing fashion with streamers and balloons and decorative table cloths that were actually made of plastic. It landed somewhere in between cheap-and-shitty and actually somewhat endearing.

Up on the stage that hadn't been in the gymnasium a day ago, a rock band from the school's music class covered a pop song that was clearly requested by the teen crowd.

"Any idea where Zoe is?" Evan asked to Connor.

"Yeah one sec, let me just access the Sibling Telepathy Network," Connor drawled.

"Relax," Jared muttered. "She's over there."

Zoe was standing at one of the tables, surrounded by a group of students too unrecognizable to Jared to be seniors. He mentally designated them as the group of Juniors who had been invited to the prom by Seniors.

"Who invited her in the first place?" Jared asked, probably sounding more snarky than he'd intended.

"I did," Connor muttered. One quick look at the tall lanky kid and Jared decided that Connor was looking increasingly defensive about it.

Jared nodded and dropped it. He watched as Connor receded back into the comfortable, open, and relaxed posture he'd adopted over time.

They danced and socialized and Evan made them take pictures at the booth even though Ms. Hansen had already taken good pictures with an actual camera beforehand. Jared wouldn't say it was his kind of party, but Evan and Connor looked good in suits, and he got to watch Connor awkwardly try to dance with Zoe. Jared laughed until he was wheezing, and then Evan grabbed his hands and led him into a waltz, which Jared failed at just as bad as Connor had failed at contemporary dance.

As Jared tried to keep up with when Evan was stepping towards or away from him, he looked at Evan's tie and vaguely remembered earlier in the night when he'd had to ask Evan to tie his and how he'd even learned. Apparently Heidi knew, which Jared supposed he should have known after living with them for half a year.

-

_At first, it felt awkward intruding in a home he hardly ever went to in the first place. "Are you sure the whole room?" Jared hesitated, looking over the pull out bed in the back room._

_"Of course, sweetie," Heidi chuckled. "It's not like I can let you stay in Evan's bed with him, you're dating! Can't have my little boy and you getting inappropriate when you're healing."_

_Jared shook his head. "We don't."_

_Heidi's eyebrows shot up._

_Jared chuckled at her reaction. "Evan doesn't want to, so we don't. Anyway, are you sure? Wasn't this— this room must'a been an office or something, right?" Jared asked, pulling out a drawer in a filing cabinet. He winced a bit when it jostled his arm when it jerked open._

_"Mm, I don't think Evan or I have actually needed anything from this room for a few years. It mostly just has all the junk paperwork from court things over years, and documents, all stuff we have locked-down copies of anyway. I hope you don't mind…"_

_"No, no it's fine, don't even worry about it," Jared shrugged. "Just like, this is generous to offer this rent free."_

_"Nobody here wants you on the street, Jared," Heidi said. "If Connor were to wind up in trouble, I'd offer him the same thing, but he'd probably have to take the couch now huh? I guess I'd just have to adopt both of you. I'm your mom now!"_

_Jared snorted. She was tacky and trying_ way _too hard and striking up the awkward conversation that Evan had_ surely _inherited from her. But something in Jared told him she was trying because she cared._

_… she actually cared, huh?_

_"Well, Mom two-point-oh, I'm afraid I'm going to suck at drinking water from glasses or bottles at least until these casts come off, so do you think next time there's a trip to the store we can get some bendy straws up in here?"_

-

Jared chuckled watching Zoe awkwardly dance with a basically any guy who asked. "Evan," Jared mumbled. "Go dance with Zoe."

Evan frowned. "You're my date tonight."

"I'm half 'a your date. And I'm telling you to platonically save her from terrible suitors. Isn't she gay?"

Evan shrugged. He moved away though, through the crowd and towards her. He offered his hand when her current dance partner drifted away, and she beamed and slipped her hand over his. They kept an arms length away, and seemed to talk as they spun circles around.

Jared jumped a bit when he felt someone press against his back, but dark long hair swung into his peripherals and he relaxed. Connor threw his lanky arms over Jared's shoulders and dropped his head right next to Jared's.

"She's homoflexible," Connor muttered. "She said it was like being demi, but instead of occasional attraction to people she has a connection with, she has occasional attraction to dudes she has a connection with."

"Isn't that controversial?" Jared mumbled back, still watching Evan and Zoe.

"Probably," Connor said. "Who cares, _us_?"

Jared snorted and drank his punch. He felt lucky nobody'd spiked it with anything yet.

When the celebration began to die down after a few slow songs in a row, the music was stopped by the geometry teacher taking the microphone and announcing that the crowning of Prom King and Queen would begin. After a pause and dramatic flair, they called up the school quarterback who everyone and their mother knew was going to win. The real trick came with the Queen. Some of the most bitchy girls in school had decided to run, and even campaign around school.

Evan tensed beside them.

"Please welcome your Prom Queen, Alana Beck!"

Evan clapped hard and hollered loudly with the whoops and cheers that rose. Connor clapped half heartedly, but with a smile.

Jared glared at him in annoyance. "Clap twice as hard for me, jackass."

Connor rolled his eyes but clapped with more effort. They both knew that clapping was not a great idea for healing arms.

-

_They held a party between the five of them when Jared's casts came off in early December._

_It was quiet, with Zoe's indie music playing through the expensive Bluetooth speakers at the Murphy house._

_"If only I knew how to juggle, then I could prove my healing progress in an amusing, exciting, and dynamic way," Jared hummed, wiggling his fingers in mock flair._

_"How's the wrist movement?" Evan asked quietly. "I know my cast got taken off pretty late for a clean fracture like mine, and yours stayed on for longer than necessary too, but I read that messier fractures mess with wrist movement range."_

_Jared ignored the blatant fact that Evan and Connor had been reading up on recovery processes. "Well it would hurt like a bitch if I were to start trying to pull off interpretive dance moves, but for pencil scribbles and holding papers, it'll do."_

_"Yeah, like it wasn't fun to watch Connor follow you down the hall carrying your backpack for you," Zoe chuckled._

_"Admittedly, one of the perks," Jared agreed._

_"So how long is the recovery process now?" Alana asked quietly._

_The room seemed to grow a degree colder as attention focused on her. Evan looked down at the hem of his shirt, Zoe watched her phone, and Connor only slightly tried to hide the way he glared at Alana._

_Jared cleared his throat sharply, and Connor looked away. "Well," Jared started. "Now comes physical therapy to make sure I can still use my hands and everything. And it'll still be a little bitch for say, five months? That's when they say it'll all be good."_

-

Evan insisted they stay late enough to help with clean up. Connor scoffed, but didn't raise any objections so Jared agreed as well.

"Yo, someone help me put this table on its side," some girl called to Jared's left.

Jared moved to help her before she dropped the table's weight and crushed her fingers under it. As he turned to grab the side of the furniture piece, he caught Evan and Connor exchanging a panicked and worried glance. In frustration, Jared glared at the table and lifted, ignoring the dull ache in his arms.

The table was set on the thin edge of the side, and she moved to fold in the legs so that it could be stored. As she walked past, she thanked Jared, who walked back to his boys. Connor looked downright pissed.

"Dumbass," Connor scowled. "You should have let one of us do it."

"Hey, I'm fine," Jared hissed.

Evans stepped between them. "Let's not fight, alright? We— Connor, relax, _now_."

At the sharp tone, Connor looked away pointedly.

"Jared, we were only worried your arms would start to bother you again," Evan soothed.

Jared folded his arms over his chest and nodded.

"Make up _right_ now." With that, Evan stepped back and left a gap between them.

Slowly, Connor snuck a glance back at Jared, who huffed and set his jaw. "I…"

Jared waited, but began to cool off. Still, before he was clear minded enough to admit defeat first, Connor jerked into motion and pulled Jared to his chest, hugging him tightly. Jared pulled his arms out from between them and lightly hugged Connor back.

"Don't fuck your body up again, idiot."

Jared shook his head against Connor's chest. "You're right, I've had enough of that."

-

_The bag of groceries clattered to the kitchen floor sharply, making Evan jump at the noise._

_"Shit," Jared hissed, stepping back and staring daggers into his arms. He was supposed to be better once the casts came off but he couldn't even carry_ a fucking bag—

_"Jared, are you okay?" Evan asked, striding towards him. He made a wide arc around the fallen bag and hovered right over Jared._

_Jared tried to march away, but Evan's fist bunched up the fabric of his shirt, and he really didn't need a fucked up shirt to add to the pile of Jared-caused problems. "I'm fucking terrible."_

_"Did you step on any glass?" Evan asked._

_Jared's brows furrowed at the odd question. He looked back at the grocery bag and spotted a shattered jar of salsa on the tiled floor. With a glance back at the ground, he recognized that both of them were barefoot and had been since they walked through the front door with bags in tow. After another moment, he shook his head no, and heard Evan sigh in relief._

_"I'm going to clean this up, why don't you go to my room," Evan muttered, turning around to the pantry to retrieve the mop._

_"Sorry," Jared muttered out of obligation._

_"It's fine, it's just some salsa," Evan answered. His voice sounded flat and emotionless._

_Jared walked away and curled up in Evan's bed. He felt a bit better knowing Evan was just as disappointed in the progress of his physical recovery as he was._

-

"We should go," Connor announced, straightening his spine. "The stoner kids are going to start thinking I'm bringing you two to their after party."

Evan chuckled and reached for Jared's hand. "If you guys are ready."

Jared reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "Sure, uh, I'm pullin' up Uber."

"Right," Evan muttered. "I can't believe we can still order those now."

Jared snorted, "you mean you. Connor and I just lied about our age on our profile, you're the only one who waited until he was eighteen to get an account."

Evan pouted as the two snickered on either side of him. They walked out the cafeteria and towards the parking lot. With time to kill, they slowly walked down the pavement towards the street, balancing on the edge of the curb and swapping short quips about who was dancing terribly and who wore what.

When the minivan pulled up, Jared double checked the build of the car and the driver to make sure they matched the description, and then nodded and opened the back door for his dates. He quickly greeted the driver and pulled the door shut behind him. The ride was quiet, and Connor grabbed for his hand to loosely hold. Nighttime driving was a habit of theirs now, one that eliminated every hesitance Jared had about cars.

-

_After the crash, Evan worried day and night about post traumatic stress disorder, and how much it might mess with Jared's ability to drive and ride in cars. Jared admitted that the worry was not_ entirely _unmerited when on the drive from the hospital to the Hansen house, Jared flinched violently when they passed over a speed bump. Still, he'd conditioned himself to relax about it enough that he could ride in Connor's convertible car fearlessly within the month._

_Connor was, as Jared discovered pretty quick, an inattentive driver. When he was attentive, he went on angry rants about worse drivers, and when he drifted into his own mind, he almost ran lights before checking quite late and slamming breaks._

_"You need to be sober like, all the time when you drive," Jared chided, trying to still his heart after another close call._

_"I am."_

_"I know. Just as a rule." Jared's license was actually suspended for two weeks, but considering he didn't have a car ~~or arms~~ anymore, it didn't particularly matter _ when _he got it back._

_Connor shrugged. "Sure."_

_Jared shifted in his seat._

_"So what's the worst part about it?" Connor asked as the light turned green._

_Jared let out a surprised chuckle. Connor would always be more straight forward with his fears and insecurities and worries than Evan was. Connor put it all out there if you listened for two seconds. Jared loved that at least_ one _of them was good at that._

_"I mean about the crash. Obviously, the bumps thing, cause the car is shaking. I get that that could be totally freaky, but you love the engine, and you love riding in cars so what's the bad part?"_

_"Uhh…" Jared thought on that for a few seconds. "I guess the roof. I remember hitting the roof and the metal crushing against my arms when the roof hit the asphalt before I blacked out. And I woke up when they pulled me out, and the warped metal was just the embodiment of hell, I think."_

_Connor chuckled and reached for a button on his dashboard. With a whirr, the top of the convertible lifted and collapsed to the back. "Then fuck the roof!" Connor shouted over the biting winter wind._

_They were less safe without a roof. If they were to flip then, injuries would be even worse than if they had a roof. But Jared laughed, equal parts because there wasn't a metal roof to shatter his arms on and the mental image of Connor fucking a roof was too novel to let slide._

-

By the time they got back to home, Heidi had left for her classes. Jared nodded, reading over the note she'd left. "She'll be gone till three. Want to go to my room?"

"Jared," Evan hissed, flushing.

"Hey lighten up," Connor retorted, slinging an arm over Evan's shoulder. "We're not gonna do anything that would exclude you."

"I didn't mean it like that anyway," Jared shrugged. He turned and walked towards the back room. "Cuddle to sleep and all that gooey shit."

"Are you sure?" Evan asked nervously.

Connor scoffed as he flicked off the lights and closed the bedroom door. "Uh, yeah. Post-prom sex isn't a kink either of us are specifically big on."

"No, all hair pulling, praise, and ropes for us," Jared said. Evan made a sputtering sound, and the other two laughed and dragged him into the bed. Jared went through the effort of hauling the comforter up over them, and then turned his head towards Evan, who'd ended up between Connor and himself. "You… that was a good party right? Wasn't too much or anything?"

Evan smiled sweetly and shook his head.

"Sick. Connor, fucking mission accomplished, we got Evan through a party comfortably," Jared droned on, letting Evan's elbow accidentally jab his stomach.

"Evan and I snuck out around the halfway point to regroup," Connor muttered.

"What? When? I was there the whole time, literally the whole time," Jared hissed. "Give me receipts. When, what was I doing?"

Connor huffed out a breathy laugh. "Like, nine? You were getting snacks with that kid from calc."

"Whatever. What did you do?"

"We just walked the parking lot for like five minutes and talked," Evan said. "It was kinda needed, things were getting stuffy with so many people. We aren't like you, Jared, we just can't maintain that for as long as you can."

Jared bit his tongue on a that's-what-she-said joke to think. "Well oh well? Obviously didn't ruin my night."

"And you?" Evan asked, turning to the other side. "Connor, how'd your night go?"

"Fantastic. Perfect score, beautiful boyfriends and beautiful suits on my boyfriends and it was great to dance."

"Be serious."

"I am. You two're the highlight of my prom and my high school and my life at this point, honestly," Connor assured.

"Your extra is showing," Jared mumbled. "Can we get to the sleeping part now?"

"Oh, sorry," Evan muttered.

A second passed, then two, then thirty, and Jared was almost asleep when-

"We do what comes next together, right?"

Jared blinked himself awake. "We've talked about this. Yeah, roommates after we move out east."

"Why wouldn't we be?" Connor asked, sounding like he hadn't even started to fall asleep in the first place.

"I meant like, even if one of us can't get a job at first or if classes mess up or anything. Or- I mean if any of us meets someone else of course we're not together forever, we haven't promised that, not yet, but uh, I mean like. Even if we, we're not, together, we're together? Like, together like, in it together. We won't, leave, or quit, or make choices without each other," Evan rambled. His voice was quiet and stumbling, but not entirely panicked either.

"Jared say the plan like you always do," Connor suggested.

Jared shifted his head on his pillow. "We move to whatever city's community college accepts Evan's application, and then Connor finds a job and Evan you do too. And then we love as roommates, and if we break up the relationship then we have to stay logical about rooming situations. We've planned for these things Evan, I promise it won't change. We're not leaving you alone."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now let me pass out, alright?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The college!AU fluff I promised in the tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evan- taking base courses at a community college for credits to transfer to his goal, a Bachelor of Science in Environmental Science. Works at the Pottery Barn.  
> Jared- taking online courses through Kaplan University for his degree in Information technology, planned career in being a data architect. Works through an online IT group.  
> Connor- idk man he's a bartender at a gay bar that's all he really needed in life (he'll go to grad school eventually, but for the moment he's working to help pay rent for the most part)

"How are we going to get married?"

Evan turned his head to Connor first, silently watching.

Jared blinked hard and peered over the top of his laptop. "That's a little presumptuous of the future, isn't it?"

Connor scoffed, knowing Jared was bullshitting. "As if you've ever been happier in your life than you are with us. As if you haven't wanted a happy ever after too."

Jared pressed his lips together. He seemingly recognized Connor's point.

Over the time they'd been with each other, the best and the worst had come out of each of them. They'd all seen each other at their worst times (when they ran out of meds, when bad days wrecked months of progress, when they devolved into anger) and at their best times (the days spent picnicking, moments of quiet peace, times when everything went perfectly), and none of them were inclined to even consider breaking up. They'd seen the extremes, what else could change their minds?

"Well last time I checked, it was a felony," Jared retorted.

With a snort, Connor shook his head. Asshole couldn't admit when he was wrong.

Evan looked up from his book. "Wait, really?"

"Yeah," Jared shrugged.

"You've looked into it?"

"Obviously," Jared said. "Polygamy's illegal and considered a felony in most of America. Look it up."

"Well what about polyamory?" Evan asked. "It is different."

"Not to the government," Jared shrugged. "They'll never recognize it legally as is."

"Why don't we hold a tiny ceremony for three and then two of us get legally married?" Connor suggested, sitting up. "Just so we can have the benefits."

"That could upset whoever gets left out," Evan whined.

"Well we can be civil about it. We all should know at this point after two years of constant assurance that it's all equal love that we don't play favorites," Connor shrugged. "At least I know that. If you're worried it can be you and Jared getting legally hitched."

"I'd prefer it if it was you and Evan," Jared mumbled. "Two birds with one stone. Erase the Murphy name from Connor's life and spread the glorious legacy of the Hansens. There are only two of you in the world."

"You don't want legal marriage?" Evan asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Informal's as good as the real thing as far as I'm concerned. Anyway I may hate the family of the Kleinmans, but Jared Kleinman has a ring to it and Jared Hansen just doesn't."

"I like the Murphy name," Connor frowned, defensive.

"Then keep it," Evan said. "No changing of last names at all. We'll just be married."

"Are we even gonna do this soon?" Jared asked.

"Hell no," Connor chuckled. "I want to be at least like thirty before marriage so that Zoe can't groan at me for getting married before she does."

"Is she alright?" Evan asked. "I haven't talked to her since… since we told her."

_-_

_Connor stood in the kitchen, waiting for Zoe to respond._

_"You what?" Zoe looked like she's just had her world yanked out from under her, but in half a second flat she clenched her fists and channeled her reaction into anger. She had the same dark spark in her eyes that Connor did when he was furious; a look that Connor had been trying to limit recently. Seeing it on someone else felt like some out-of-body experience bullshit._

_"I lied," Connor muttered. "Evan and I made it up."_

_Zoe's face twisted. "How much of it did you make up? How much of you is a lie?"_

_"I—"_

_"Who are you?!" Zoe screamed._

_Connor's face twist in defensive anger. He was ready to fight Zoe on this, that he was_ the same fucking person, what did it matter that he hadn't known Evan for as long as she thought when—

_"Evan," Jared barked, standing. "I'm taking Connor outside. Explain."_

_Connor scowled as Jared blocked his view of Zoe, but he took the message and turned on his heel to stomp out. He knew that Jared would end up following if he went first, so he left before things turned worse._

_Connor stepped down the hall, towards the door to the front lawn. He left the door open behind him, and paced the concrete-brick patio._

_A few moments later, Jared huffed and stepped out._

_"Connor—"_

_Connor hissed out a breath, pacing back and forth with his fists tight around the fabric of his hoodie. "She's so fucking incapable of—"_

_"Connor I need you to vent and not verbally; the people of your street probably value their sleeping time," Jared said._

_At that, Connor turned sharply to Jared and stalked towards him, backing him against the wall. "How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"_

_"You seem to already have the right idea," Jared muttered. Connor followed his gaze, glancing at how he had unconsciously bracketed Jared between his arms. "Kiss me, Flaming Hot Chee—"_

_Before Jared could even get the taunt out, Connor was all over him, kissing with teeth and nails on his shoulders and anger Jared was used to. Times when they did this were highlights of Jared's prideful moments because he knew that no matter how much other people could try, even when Evan did his best, nobody was better than Jared at soothing the anger that Connor harbored. Over time, the release of anger had become accessible with less and less physical damage. Even when his fingernails scratched along Jared's shoulders, pulling him closer, his hands were vibrating with the effort of conscious choice to not hurt Jared._

_It wasn't like it once was, where they kissed and bit and clawed to draw reactions and retaliations. Now, this kind of kiss was reserved for blowing off steam in one of the safest ways they could imagine. Connor drew away panting and slow._

_Jared took a few puffs of sharp cold air before he collected himself. "Good job remembering not to go below the elbow," he whispered quietly._

_Connor nodded rigidly in response. His mind flickered back to the scene; Zoe yelling at him like all the progress they'd made didn't mean a thing._

_Jared pushed up to stand on the balls of his feet as he pressed his forehead to Connor's. "She'll come around. I'm proud of you for walking away."_

_Connor grunted vaguely, but wrapped his arms tight around Jared. He knew._

-

"You're working now, that's not a shocker," Jared interjected before Connor could actually answer.

"She's fine. She's forgiven you, if you want to reach out," Connor muttered.

Evan's face flashed with surprise. "Really?"

"She took longer to forgive me," Connor said. He shrugged. "She's okay with it all. It took her some time to sort it out in her mind but I think she figured out that she doesn't care about how we started any more than we do. She's got a lot of sibling time to make up for anyway."

"Good to hear, but we did move away," Jared pointed out. "When are you gonna go visit next?"

"Two weeks," Connor muttered. "I could take one or two of you with me if you want to go back to the scene of the crimes?"

"Pass," Jared hummed. "Got enough work to do here."

"Yeah and my, my classes," Evan agreed.

"What, neither of you want to visit Mama Hansen?"

"She won't die without us," Jared said, "don't guilt trip us into shit."

"Just offering," Connor shrugged.

Jared returned to his laptop. Out of college, he'd been taken up by an IT team who wanted his expertise in programming. They paid well enough for Jared to get a jumpstart into scholarships for an online college through Kaplan University for his planned bachelor's degree in information technology. Something on the screen wasn't to the boy's liking, and he hissed out a string of "motherfucker bitch ass, no tit having sonofadick".

"Hey, four-eyes," Connor called, making Jared jerk out of his thoughts. "Haven't you had enough of work when it's your day off?"

"It's my day off?" Jared echoed. He glanced down, likely to confirm it was Saturday. "Shit, you're right. We gonna leave the apartment today?"

"I've got to stay to let Ms. U collect rent," Evan pointed out.

-

_After they graduated, they knew they were leaving. They packed their belongings (Jared having the least to pack), and put it all in the pickup truck Connor and Jared had both pitched for. They drove to the coast and found the two bedroom apartment in an urban city that they'd prearranged._

_When they pulled into their numbered parking spot below the apartment complex, they found an older woman standing next to the elevator. She took one glance at them and decided they were the ones she was waiting for._

_"I am Ms. U, and I'll be your landlord here," she said. "No questions asked about your personal preferences as long as they don't disturb any neighbors, got it? No large pets, no health hazards, you signed the agreement."_

_Connor elbowed Jared, hardly moving his hands from where they held his extra duffel bag._

_Jared took the hint. "Yes ma'am," Jared said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "What about keys?"_

_Her eyebrows shot up. "_ Keys _?"_

 _"Yeah,_ keys _," Jared repeated as his Evan finally caught up on the other side of him. "I read every sentence of the lease, and it wasn't specific on if we could duplicate the key or not. So can we duplicate the key, or not?"_

_"Yes, you can have up to two copies of the key at any time," Ms. U said. "It'll cost you thirty dollars to get a replacement key, though."_

_"Perfect," Jared said. "Each if us will take one, and if we lose any, I'll be the stay at home kid and be the gatekeeper until we get a replacement."_

_Ms. U had apparently not expected to receive such a specific and practical answer from a trio of ambiguously rebellious teenage millennials._

_Connor brushed past her, moving to the elevator and holding it open for Evan and Jared, smiling at Jared in particular for still being able to pull off the whole bad ass thing._

_As far as the three boyfriends were concerned, Jared was the manager of housing. He'd set up the location, read over all the rules, signed the lease, and (once all three of them sat down and agreed) overtook most interactions with the landlady in the beginning when they were unsure of how accepting she was._

_Though conservative and clearly older, she never once throughout their stay gave any inclination of prejudice or care at their relationship or life choices. She never blinked, not when she opened the door to Jared panting lightly with hickeys all over his neck nor Connor when he'd answered then door in a tank top that left white scarred wrists clearly visible in any shine of light. She only asked they'd pay on time and not get noisy._

_They lived in that apartment for six years._

-

"Thought that was next week," Connor muttered in confusion.

"Which is why we don't have you responsible for paying it," Jared snickered. Connor scowled and shook his head. "Ev, it's your day off too. Unless you also forgot that you don't have any classes today?"

Evan shrugged. "I was thinking of staying in anyways."

"We could do a movie night," Jared suggested.

"It's not Thursday yet, dumbass," Connor chided. Thursday, the day that taxed them all the most in pure labor, but was redeemed by their tendency to watch movies until one or more of them knocked out on the tiny couch. It was a ritual that none of them were excited to break, especially on a day when Connor wouldn't even be able to participate.

"Fuck you too," Jared chimed thoughtlessly before contemplating. "It's almost two, Connor shouldn't you take a shower before work?"

Connor made a lazy noise. He really didn't want to get cleaned up in that black company polo shirt and wrestle his hair into something attractive. He didn't even want to think about putting his eyeliner on.

"You have to look presentable or you'll get fired," Evan chided.

"And what is it Jared looks twenty-four-sev?" Connor asked. He glanced down at Jared's cut up _I <3 New York_ t-shirt and fuzzy _Avengers_ pajama pants, which he hadn't changed out of in two days.

"Like our prince charming," Evan said. "Besides. He doesn't have to leave the house."

Connor hummed. "By the way, are we sure that's healthy? Jared, when's the last time you went out?"

"When's the last time you invited me to your club?" Jared quipped.

-

_Music blaring dance floors were much more Jared's speed than prom dances. Every once in a while, Connor would drop a mention that a good DJ was coming to the gay club he worked at, and that Jared should come. Evan was uncerimoniously not invited, for obvious obstacles regarding anxiety and overstimulation. Jared, however, always took the invite._

_At first, Connor thought he would bring Jared on one of his days off, but slowly changed his mind to just invite Jared on one of the nights he got off earlier than usual. That way when he was done, he just had to swap shirts and continue the night as a clubber rather than an employee._

_Loud and busy; filled with mosh pit dancers and skilled dancers alike, the club was a cocktail perfect mix of drunk and hot. Connor worked at the bar, his confidence giving him the ability to boom over the music and catch misbehaving customers before they could cause too much trouble. He was in his element, where he wouldn't be fired for being loud or getting rightfully angry or being silent to assholes. While it wasn't a permanent job, it paid well enough to cover a good portion of the rent._

_On breaks, he would step out from behind the bar and along to Jared's seat, making short comments about insider club knowledge. Finally, Connor escaped his work shift, slipped out of the black polo and into a white t-shirt, and offered a Jared hand._

_Jared snorted, unknowing and making assumptions. The fool probably thought that Connor was still bad at dancing. Still Jared took the hand and pulled Connor to the dance floor. Connor followed, smothering a grin. Techno remixed pop songs with heavy bass and enrapturing snare played through the club, infecting the step of their feet. Saying anything out here would be near impossible due to the noise._

_That was fine. He didn't need to talk to dance._

_Jared swiveled on his feet and bounced to the song, and Connor grinned, fully ready to blow Jared's fucking mind._

_Connor popped his hips to the side and rolled his body, swinging just on time and with enough elegance to put any amateur trying to look sexy to shame._

_At the sight, Jared's face flushed deep, but he didn't stop moving. He just gravitated closer to Connor and watched the show._

_Connor's grin split wider._ Score for Murphy.

_Needless to say, the club was always a fun time._

-

"Sunlight is important," Evan scowled. He pushed Jared's laptop shut from across the table.

Jared looked down at the closed laptop then up at Evan. "Twenty years of family history was just open and unsaved in a file that _you_ just destroyed."

For a split second, Evan's face flooded with guilt.

A huge grin split across Jared's face and a laugh rolled up through his throat, loud and unabashed. He laughed loud enough that Connor could hardly hear himself laughing quietly, still trying to hide it for Evan's sake.

The boy in question had a blank expression of vague remorse and existential disassociation. Apparently for a moment of shock and immense guilt, he'd forgotten the logical errors that Jared was actually running IT interference and that Jared didn't give two fucks about family at all any more.

"Fuc— fuck! My _God_ , Evan, I di— pff, haha, I didn't think you'd actually ff— ffucking _fall_ for that," Jared choked out, running his hands over his face.

Evan shook his head and stood up.

"Ev—" Jared grabbed wildly for one of Evan's hand, and caught it successfully. "Ev I'm just joking, _God_ sorry if I freaked you out, but fucking hell, think about it."

With a sigh, Evan looked over Jared, then at himself. A smile twitched onto his face.

Connor allowed himself a small smile at the cute show of affection.

" _There_ you go," Jared praised as Evan chuckled at himself. He looked to Connor. "Hey wanna go take your shower? Maybe if you come back soon enough you and I could make out before you go to work."

Connor shook his head with a smile still on his face and moved up of his seat.

"You know I was just jokin' right," Jared asked in a quieter tone.

"Yeah, just, really? The gullibility sucker-punch?"

"The Gullibility _Sucker-Punch_? Evan, you may have just invented the coolest roller coaster ride name _ever_."

Connor stripped out of his clothes unceremoniously as he walked down the halls. He probably had the best roommates possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tfw the author forgets this is a thing i need to finish (sORRY ABOUT THAT)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah. Hah. Long time no see, huh? (I finished this on the last day Ben Platt was in DEH im still crying)

 The wait for his response letter wasn't as terrifying as he expected.

Evan had applied to a number of colleges, with a few options in mind for courses. Of course, he'd been working and paying rent, but he'd also be the first to admit that Connor was carrying the weight of most of the cost. He felt bad about that, but it helped when Connor said he was actually doing much better than he had been doing in school.

All of them were doing better, actually.

Evan had been working at a Pottery Barn, which was an elitist shop, but that just meant that the only customers he got were people who knew they could afford the things there, not just random passerby customers. Even in community college, nobody bothered him. He always expected college to be busy and active and trying to draw him into frats and parties and activities, but the biggest shock was that nobody minded Evan staying quiet and secluded.

He did meet a few people at school and work. Colton, Olivia, Adam. They weren't people Evan would hang out with often, but they were friends nonetheless. Most of his time was dedicated solely to Jared and Connor, and as for friends, Alana and Zoe. Both girls had taken up texting Evan weekly, sometimes daily depending on availability. It gave Evan some measure of happiness to know that they'd keep talking to him even if he moved states.

But in looking through the mail, Evan's heart pounded when he saw an envelope with a university logo in the corner.

"Jared? Do you talk to the University of Chicago?" Evan called from his spot in the kitchen.

There was a shuffling noise in the bedroom. "Uh. No, why?"

Sure enough, Evan checked who the letter was addressed, only to find his own first and last name. He opened it with shaking fingers and read the acceptance letter four times over before Jared moved into the room to check on him.

"Evan? Evan, what's wrong?"

Evan was sure that by the amount of time between Jared's footsteps reaching the kitchen and Jared's hands steadying his, there was a solid few seconds where Jared stood in the doorframe and didn't do anything. But then, Jared was holding Evan's hands to keep them from shaking and then pulling the letter away with one hand and reading it and—

"Holy shit, Evan. You got in to one of the most prestigious colleges in America with a full ride?"

-

_Before they moved, Evan was very concerned about his mother._

_She had been helping him through every part of his transition into independent life. She'd helped him with taxes, organizing his stuff into moving boxes, even his medical insurance. Still, he worried, thinking back to the times when she promised college would be a new chance for him; an opportunity to leave behind a worse life._

_He didn't want to leave her behind too._

_He contemplated it one morning over another bland breakfast with her, where she woke up early enough to organize her things ahead of time. His mom sat across the small dinner table from him and sipped at her coffee while Evan glanced at the remaining piece of toast that he didn't have room for._

_"I love you," Evan said, quiet and out of place. He bit his lip, wishing he could start a conversation without blurting out the punchline first thing._

_Mom just stared at him with slightly widened eyes. "I love you too, honey, is something the matter?"_

_"No— nono noth…" Evan took a deep breath. "Sorry, yes there's something on my mind. I don't… don't know how to say it, I guess."_

_"Well take your time dear," she grinned, and then glanced at her watch. "But not too much time, I have to cover some shifts in a little bit here."_

_Evan laughed weakly along with her goofy humor. It became bittersweet in his mouth when he remembered he wouldn't get those daily cheery goofs soon. He loved Connor and Jared, but Connor didn't do jokes and Jared didn't do sweet humor. He almost sobbed as he had another thought._

_His mom was one of a kind._

_"Evan? Honey what's eating at you? You- you can tell me, whatever it is I won't get mad," she assured, standing from her chair and moving to his side._

_"Nonono it's fine I'm overreacting," Evan said, standing and wiping at his eyes. He had to stop himself as his body moved away from her on autopilot. "I— I think I need to say something."_

_Heidi looked helpless, unsure of how to proceed without worsening the situation._

_"I love you," Evan choked out. He took in a deep breath and began to level out his voice as he went. "And I know this year was hard and I pushed you away for so much longer before that— and I'm just thinking, I'm not going to have you there now. And that's okay, it really is, but I have to consciously a-act for the first time so that—"_

_Evan looked over her and motioned with his hands._

_"So that I keep you in my life."_

_She moved forward and after checking to see if Evan was going to flinch or if he wanted to move away, she pulled him into a big hug (that she was too short to try to put her arms on the top of, but she tried anyway) and Evan laughed and did his best to reciprocate. "You're gonna have to try harder than that to keep me off your trail. Weekly calls, right? What time did we say, you remember?"_

_Evan nodded, they'd talked about this. "Tuesdays, six PM my time."_

_"There you go." His Mom pulled away with a big grin and ran her fingers through the short hair on the side of his head. "We're gonna be just fine, right?"_

-

It was hard for Evan to react to much but the physical touch Jared was providing. He could hear Jared talking but reacting to it was another thing entirely.

"Evan, Evan can you hear me?"

Despite Evan's ability to hear, he couldn't do much more than look Jared in the eye. He felt in shock, how could a science college give a gap-year broke student like him the time of day? So he was in shock, could you blame him?

"Shit, can you walk? Let's get you to the couch."

Evan let Jared guide him to their tiny living room couch, where Jared sat against the armrest and pulled Evan to his chest.

"Holy shit, I didn't think this would happen. Not that, like I didn't think you could be a eco-engineer or whatever badass science thing you want to study, but, fuck Evan. University of Chicago? Holy shit. I'm so proud of you. Can you hear me yet?"

After a beat, Evan decided to try to react, so he did the first thing to come to mind; elbowing Jared's stomach.

"Could you hear me the whole time?"

Reluctantly, Evan tapped Jared again.

Jared sat up and leaned forward to make eye contact with Evan. "I'm proud as _fuck_ , but could you give a guy some fucking warning before I have to find you trembling in a kitchen and not know if it's good shock or bad shock?"

Evan huffed out a laugh and felt his body reacting to his wishes again.

"Do we have to move to Chicago for you to attend this thing?" Jared whispered.

Evan met his eyes and stared right back. "I don't know."

"Well…" Jared trailed off and rubbed his hands up and down Evan's arm. "We'll figure it out. Promise."

"How can you promise that?" Evan asked. "Connor has a job here, we signed a lease here."

Jared's face fell a little. "… well, colleges usually require freshmen to live on campus anyway right? You could—"

"I don't want to."

"Evan, come on. Nothing's set in stone yet, I'm just throwing ideas out." Jared threw a glance to the kitchen. "We'll talk to Connor when he gets home, and we'll wait and see if any other colleges let you in."

-

_The application process had been grueling, and filled with a lot of skype calls to his mom. He sat at the tiny kitchen table in their little flat, typing at a document in one window while skype showed him a few faces in the other window._

_"Honey, you know there's plenty of colleges who'd be thrilled to have you," Mom promised, grinning. "You should apply for a bunch, and I bet you you'll do better than you think. You always sell yourself short."_

_"Ms. Hansen is totally right, Evan," Alana nodded. "I never thought I could aim as high as Harvard, but here I am, going into my second year. I always knew I could aim high, but I think we should all aim a little higher."_

_"Scholarships are a student's best friend though," Zoe said. She leaned heavily against her hand, gazing away from her camera at the laptop screen. "You should check which schools offer scholarship programs you can apply for the most."_

_"Y-yeah you're right," Evan nodded, glancing away from his conference of smart women. "Z-Zoe how's your luck going?"_

_"Terrible. I don't even know what I want to major in. I could totally go to Berkeley with the money I have but think of how disappointed my Mom and Dad would be," Zoe groaned._

_"Well look at Connor, I think he set the bar low enough for you to make a good impression," Evan mumbled quickly._

_"Evan—"_

_Evan's eyes widened. "Ohmygod that sounded so mean! I'm so sorry, it's just, we joke about that all the time, I didn't even think, I'm **so** sorry—"_

_But Zoe was cackling, dropping her head so all Evan could see was the top of her head bobbing as she chuckled loudly. "I totally believe that, but it's hard to believe you joke about it too!"_

_"Yeah— I'm sorry- yeah we…" Evan knew his face was red. "I joke a lot more with the two of them, it rubs off on you."_

_His mom only grinned along with Zoe. "I'm so glad to see you coming out of your shell, but maybe make it a tiny bit more clear when you're joking for your old lady's sake."_

_Evan just nodded, rubbing his cheeks to try and get the blush to disperse as he tried very hard to forget the encounter._

_Zoe, however, had no such notion. "That was the best thing I've heard all week and I'm telling Connor right now."_

_Evan groaned and buried his face in his palms._

-

Evan felt tired and exhausted. At least he hadn't _really_  had a panic attack, though it certainly might have been had Jared not pulled him away. Progress was slow, but progress was good when it meant that avoiding such attacks became easier over the months. School therapist, lots of relationship communication, self awareness, the whole nine yards of recovery. It made Evan feel a little sick in his stomach.

"Should— should I call him and ask him to come home now?" Jared asked, finally breaking a bit in composure through the worry that seeped into his tone.

"No, j… no please."

"Okay?" Jared said, awkwardly shuffling.

Evan took a breath to settle his own self before focusing on Jared. "I think I'm okay."

"Fucking _bullshit_ , you just freaked out over a good thing."

"No, like, now. I'm good now."

"Oh. So now in general, just for now?"

Well when he puts it that way it sounds sad. Evan bit his lip and tilted his head back to the ceiling. "I was just, shocked. A lot, and it threw me back to where I was when I was worrying about how I would even start to apply."

"Then…"

Evan nodded. "I'm really fine now."

After a moment, Jared accepted that. "Then, need anything? Fuckin' anything I could get: water, snacks, flowers, new succulent?"

Evan shook his head with a chuckle.

"'Kay. Just, text me if you change your mind. I promise I won't mind," Jared said.

For a second, Evan just smiled at Jared's clumsy attempt to muffle Evan's anxiety. It had been hard for Jared to change his tactics to help Evan in a different way (from ask-and-ye-shall-receive kind-of-friend to boyfriend-with-expectations-and-responsibilities was a big jump, after all). Then, Evan nodded. "You got it."

-

 _Evan's breathing was all he could focus on, trying to take in as much air as possible to counteract his body's reaction to sob it right back out. His face was hot, but he could feel the warmer heat of annoyingly present tears streaking down his face and dripping from his chin. He was curled up in his closet, leaning against the wall as he tried to stop crying it was just a practice test it wasn't even worth test credit and you can do corrections anyway if you stop crying_ pleasestopcrying **please** —

_"Evan, can I come in?" a voice asked. It was rough and hoarse and deep; too deep to be Jared's._

_Even so, Evan didn't respond. Maybe if he just stopped crying he wouldn't have to let Connor see him this way._

_"I'm going to open the door in a few seconds, if you really really don't want me to, yell. Or- knock on it or something but I want to help, alright?"_

_While the idea of keeping Connor from witnessing his grossly pathetic self loathing was tempting, Evan did desperately want a hug. He cursed softly under his breath, feeling a pang of the same hatred towards his selfishness and disgustingly deep dependence on others._

_All the same, the door of the closet was pulled open with a creak. For a moment, the towering silhouette of Connor just stood there. And then, he stepped in and closed the door behind him._

_Evan held his breath as Connor awkwardly folded his legs and sat himself right beside Evan, though when he didn't bend over, the top of his head was encased in coats and jackets and hanging button-up shirts._

_"So, my head isn't buried in clothes so I can just sit here and do nothing," Connor said. As he spoke, his lanky awkward hand crept over and stole Evan's hand away from where he had it clutched to his chest. Connor forced him to move it away and ground him with physical contact. "Want to talk?"_

_"_ Mh _-mh," Evan hummed in a descending tone. He hoped it would carry his desperate need to explain that he coudln't talk, he just needed to keep his mouth shut and listen to someone who knew what they were doing._

_Connor didn't get the whole memo. He pulled the hand he held into both of his, running his thumbs over Evan's knuckles as if the hand had an extraordinarily soft texture. It was probably just sweaty, actually. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Evan. I want to help so bad, but 'm not Jared. Can't just suggest things and roll with it like he does, because there's a good chance it's the wrong choice. And- 'n I get that you think I'm better at talking you down from being wound up as long as I don't wind myself up either, but sometimes I don't know how. Like now, I hardly know what's wrong."_

_Evan couldn't get out a verbal response, so he waited._

_"I guess… this doesn't have to do with Jared or I, I guess I'd know if it were that so… something with your job. Or maybe school. Maybe both, fuck Evan, I don't know. What could I do to help you out here?"_

_In a slow movement, Evan leaned his shoulder against Connor's side. "Tell me what made you happy today."_

_After a moment of silence, and a shaky exhale, Connor wrapped his arms around Evan's shoulders and told him the funniest customers he'd gotten that day. It was still one of the easiest recoveries from a panic attack Evan had ever had._

-

"Jared?!"

Jared stopped from where he'd been walking back down the hall. He turned on his heel, looking concerned all over again. "Yeah?"

"Are you— I mean, you just— I." Evan stopped and took a deep breath before he messed it all up. "Thank you for being here."

For maybe five seconds, Jared stared at him hard, searching for something. Evan could feel Jared looking for something in particular, some sign that he was okay, maybe. He looked extraordinarily worried, petrified even.

So, Evan did the best he could and smiled as genuinely as he could. Apparently it was good, because Jared cleared his throat.

"Well the alternative is getting a job and going outside, so hard pass on that one. Really I'm just stuck in the house at the same time as you," Jared joked, waving his hands in mock exaggeration.

In response, Evan pulled a pillow from the couch and hurled it at Jared's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, still not over. Keep your seatbelts on, it’ll get bumpy before it smooths out.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Evan is bad bad rlly bad at pillow talk  
> 2) Connor doesnt understand how winter works  
> 3) Heidi's the real MVP of this one for adopting two boys just bc they don't have strong support systems. Tbh i imagine that if they ever did break up, Heidi would be that mom who still calls them on sundays and has lunch when they're in town bc theyre hER BOYS TOO NOW, NOT JUST EVANS


End file.
